I feel so embarrassed..
You know, as a Christian, im supposed to go to church,
but i don't go to church. Everytime i wish to go to church, my mum
doesn't allow. Everytime my friends ask if I want to join them in church,
my mum doesn't allow.
Then in the end i have to find an excuse saying that i not free and stuffs.
It's very embarrassing for me to say that my mum doesnt allow and when my
friends ask me why, I dont know what to say, cause even my mum doesn't
tell me why she doesnt allow me to go.

Is it because my brother's a Buddhist and that's why she doesn't allow me to go?
No. That can't be the reason. If it is, i'll just die.

I asked her so many times that i want to go to church, but she still doesn't
allow me. And everytime my friend asks me if i'm a Christian, I say yes, but
when they ask me what church i go to, I say i don't go to church. And some of them
even thinks that i'm faking a Christian, why?
Just now Pearlyn invited me to go to church together with our squadmates,
but my mum doesn't allow.

You think I don't want to go to church is it? No, I do want to go to church,
It's just that my mum doesn't allow and I dont know why the fuck she doesnt allow.
Now, I don't even know if i'm considered a Christian anymore.
WHHHHHHHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE ME GOD? WHHHHHHHHY?!
I try so much to worship you and now i'm in this state. GOD, i need to slap myself.