there is always a time in life where you come to realize many things,
in fact, there are probably a lot of those moments. you realize that some people you thought you could trust,
are in fact the worst people you could ever trust.
you realize that some people you thought would be bad for you, might actually be the best for you. and you also realize that may be you haven't done many good choices in the past.

personally, i know, i've done many mistakes, just so many that i don't want to think about them, it would drive me crazy. but there is one thing, i don't really feel like i regret what i've done. i've learned from the bad things i've done, and i always just try again, even though it's probably not the right decision.what i've probably spent most of my life working on are relationships.

whenever i find somebody i really like, i have hopes, hopes that this relationship might finally be the right one. yes, even though, all the past relationships, or crushes i had just ended up being so ridiculous, and that i was just used by the person.and sometimes, i wonder what it gives to yourself to love somebody, and to be loved. does it actually do any good? is it worth it? should we just all be loners?

i dont know.
and yes, even though i still have hopes, there are things that have changed. things in me that those selfish and inconsiderate people i was involved with changed.
i have no idea if i could ever really trust somebody again.
trust that one would never be unfaithful.
trust that one would never treat me like crap.
i'm scared to have expectations. i'm scared because people have just been so disappointing. i'm scared to give myself to somebody. i'm scared to love.

but i know i will eventually, love again. all good things have bad sides?